My last entry from home…

 I was doing my last shopping at home yesterday together with mama. Although at the end I did not manage to buy anything but it was fun. That will be my last time with mama for now. I was the driver yesterday and I think I’ll be missing this schedule. I like to be mama’s driver and she gave me a lot of advices yesterday. So, I think this the farewell for my car. No driving again after this. Mama said not to drive at KL, she said wait till I get my own car, then you can drive all the way you want it. So, yes and obedient child, I will not drive during my study at KL. 

It is sad to left home after all the time I had spend home, but still there is a long journey to go on. I make a promise to make mama happy. Now it’s the time to fulfill my promise to her. I’ll whatever it need to make her happy. Tonight I’ll be in 11pm bus straight to Duta station. I’ll be arriving around 5.30am and will be taking a cab straight away to the campus. I’ll be having sometime for some rest at the musola and the office will be open around nine. I’ll be the one with other to queue up to register for the room. And the last thing that I hate the most is to repacking my stuff and also to move all the bags from the store to my room. I hope this will be the last time moving all the heavy bags from the store to my room, and hoping that next year there will be some person who is willing to help me with all the heavy bags. 

On Monday, I’ll be starting my day as a student again but with the new spirit and new vision and mission. There is still something needed to be settling down with the schedule. There I am as the super senior for the education department. The last year of my life as a bachelor education student (first degree) will be begin right away after entering my class that will be starting at the afternoon. I’ll pray for the best for this year and the whole semester.

Counting THE days…

I only few more days at home and after this will be back to the garden of knowledge and virtue. To be sincere I do miss that place, the so call place where I gain knowledge for my future life, whether it is the one with the academically content and the one for my real LIFE. It had leaded me to a lot of things I never want to experience and want to experience. I learn about life and learn everything of that may guide me to be a better person. Thanks to all especially my fellow friends, lectures and who ever who had given me some lesson to go through with my life. There is still a lot to learn and I am ready to learn more and start my new life as a student again. 

There are half of me that stop me from going there. I was having fun here at home, and of course for the things that I miss doing it at the hostel. There are something that may drag my spirit back to not be excited about going back to the hostel. It was a wonderful moment for me to have spending my time for about 3 month at home. I never have that opportunity before. I will miss my bed, my TV, all of my activities and routine during the holiday. But what I will miss the most is my routine every weekend, going to my little brother’s school with MAMA. The most things that will always bother me is MAMA. After spending time with her for a long time, I will be missing her very much. I might get the so call home sick and cry alone in my room, but still the battle need to go on. I will bring happiness for her, so I need to work harder to make her super happy with me. I’ll bring back the smile to her face with my success. That is my promise in me, to make the person who had been take care of me and brought me to the world the happiness.

Although I am having a very comfortable life here at my own home, but there are also something or some force that has been an encouragement for me to go as soon as possible. There are things that I cannot tolerate being at home. Though, there some people are totally happy with their life at home but not me. it is always something that can prevent men from having a total happiness at home. There are things that I need to sacrifice being at home. We cannot have everything perfect in our life but for me the thing that I lost during the time I am at home make me sad and lonely. I don’t want to be a sad person, which life is full of sorrow and darkness. You cannot enjoy your life that way, so you need to risk something to achieve the thing you want the most. So take some risk because there will always risk in anything of your doing.

I’m missing you…

It has been about six years, we had separated but you are still in my mind. This afternoon I had a dream of you. I think I’m missing you more lately. The words that you said to me were like something to me or maybe it was words that signify something to me. Maybe it’s about time for me to move on with my life. Maybe it’s the time to find someone else just like you, to forget all about you and to forget all of my dreams and hopes for you.

I have the thought of forgetting everything about the past but I can’t. It was a sweet memory, the time I learn to know the world. It was the starting point of my new life and world. I keep manipulating my mind to focus on the other new things but in the end I end up thinking about it more and deeper. It is something that cannot be easily ignore and cannot be easily forget. I live with the memory; I will always go along with the memory. With the sign, I think I need to try to move on and forget all about it.

MaSiH rAhSiA

Masih ada yang tak mampu aku suarakan,

Masih ada yang tak mampu aku tangiskan,

Masih ada yang tak mampu aku ungkapkan,

Yang mendera jiwa ini,

Yang menyiksa jiwa ini,

Yang membunuh jiwa ini,

Terdera aku sakit,

Tersiksa aku derita,

Terbunuh aku mati,

Pengakhirannya sama,

Aku tetap sakit, derita, mati.

Thank you for the memory…

After about three month I didn’t have anyone to speak my heart at last, you came just like the light for me who is in the dark. Thank you for shining up my life AGAIN. It feels good to voice out the feeling after a long time of keeping it inside. It feels like I was detaching with the real world today, with you by my side. After all, I feel alive again. This the only think that might help me goes on in the future. I need some space just for me.

With the time we had spent together, I fell grateful that you were willing to lend me your ears to listen to whatever I want to say. Thank you for that. You had helped me a lot. I really appreciate your long journey to come here to my house just to spend our time together. Thank you for everything. Although that was just a moment with you, it was not that fun but I really enjoyed it very much. I really miss the time we spend together. After a long time, you seem changing for the good. It is good for you. I hope our friendship will last forever. Thank you for everything especially for today moment. 

Yang terkesan di hati…

Sendiri masih,

Berdiri tetap,

Dalam puputan angin,

Bersama deru ombak,

Air mata itu,

Mengalir lagi,

Masih lagi, Tetap lagi,

Teman hati yang terluka,

Sahabat sanubari yang terhiris,

Setiap kata,

Setiap patah,

Melukakan,

Menikam,

Menghiris,

Menyesakkan,

Membunuh,

Segala yang masih tersimpan,

Walau masih berdiri,

Walau masih gagah,

Tapi berdarah tetap,

Tapi terluka tetap.

3 Syawal…

There were two kenduri in my schedule. My previous teacher and my old best friend from the elementary school were having their wedding ceremony today. Wedding ceremony during the raya celebration might have it own advantages and disadvantages. Well, maybe during this time, many of the relatives may attend the ceremony, because they are still in their raya holiday. It can also be a place and a time where we meet with each other and strengthen the ukhwah among each other. Sometimes it is very hard to gather all of the relatives although you are having a big time in your life, so raya is a day to gather all of them. The one with friends who is still studying may see their friends because they are still on their holiday. It is a great time to meet with each other and catch up with some new stories. Those are the benefit of making their wedding ceremony during the Hari Raya Celebration.

But there are also some disadvantages with the wedding ceremony during the Hari Raya Celebration. You might get exhausted with the preparation for the kenduri during ramadhan. The time you need to spend to do the ibadah, was spend to make preparation for the wedding ceremony. You will also busy with all the Hari Raya preparation, it can be a heavy burden for those with many responsibility on their shoulder. But it is their own choice whether to make it or not to make it. I’ll pray for their long lasting happiness.