AKU yang SENDIRI!

Hari ini aku berdiri,

Melihat diri  di pantulan cermin sendiri,

Ada retak-retak yang bercantum,

Ada ruang-ruang yang kosong,

Yang retak tak mampu dicantum,

Yang kosong tak mampu diisi,

Kerana,

Ada sakit yang berdenyut tak tahu di mana tempatnya,

Ada air mata yang mengalir tak tahu di mana puncanya,

Ada darah yang basah tak tahu di mana datangnya,

Walau aku di lihat kuat berdiri sendiri,

Sakitnya tak pernah berhenti,

Tangisan tak pernah hilang,

Darahnya tak pernah surut.

English as a lingua franca?

When I was in my teaching grammar class, my lecture asked us why IIUM or my beloved garden of knowledge and virtue is different from other university. She said that we use English as a medium of instruction and a medium of communication. Because at this university we use English as our medium of communication not like other university, they use English as their medium of instruction for example in their lectures, but here at IIUM, even the communication is in English, though as people like me when we saw people have their conversation in English it is such a weird situation (for those Malay who speak English with the slang) and sometimes it annoy me very much. 

According to an act in the university, if you want to conduct a program it should be bilingual, for example English and Malay, or English and Arabic. So there will be no program will be conducted in Malay only. And it come to my mind, is English has made as a lingua franca in IIUM? 

But bear in mind, we also use both English and Malay in our daily conversation. You may say he is your boyfriend, I rarely heard people say that he is my “kekasih”. It sounds weird and so cheesy. English has been made as the second language but sometimes we can see that English has been use widely in our country. Even the ministers use English as a medium of communication when they want to convey something to the citizen.

According to my lecture, even some of the formal matter or business with the bank, were conducted in English, the letter or the agreement were written in English (not sure about the fact, never had any business with the bank). For those who want to apply for the scholarship prepare yourself with simple English conversation. English has been a very vital language in Malaysia, so whether we like it or not, we need to master the language for our own benefit and future.  

Why men don’t listen and women can’t read maps.

Today I learn a lesson that what had been written in the book “Why men don’t listen and women can’t read maps” was true. Today when I was at the clinic waiting for my friend a man, ask a nurse where is room A, which actually situated just in front of him. I tried to tell him that he was standing just in front of the door for the room but he was very anxious trying to find the correct room for him to enter. Allan and Barbara Pease maybe had made a very long observation of people all around them. The fact that women cannot estimate the space was also true. Last semester one of my friends tried to park at the narrow space but at the end, she crushed one of the cars near to the space. And I am one of the examples of women who tend to fail when it’s time to find a place or when I’m trying to give direction for certain place. I can’t even remember properly where the car had been parked by my friends after a shopping.  

I keep thinking what all of this happen, and it is actually had been discussed in this book. I find it very interesting and useful if we are trying to know our self or the opposite people. Now I know that man, cannot watch TV and listen to what we want to say, because they don’t have the special ability to do two job or tasks at the same time. But women were gifted with this specialty. No wonder women can cook at the same time talking at the phone, and sometimes they can watch TV and chatting with their friends. 

I just finished half of the book and I think it gave me a lot of information and clear up miscommunication I have with the men in my life. You may know yourself better after this and you may also have more information about others.

Cerita duka yang tak berkesudahan.

Aku memang terluka. Terluka dengan mereka-mereka yang mungkin tak memahami atau juga sengaja buat tidak tahu. Tahu apa yang tersirat di balik hati ini dengan setiap kata-kata  yang menghiris terus hati ini menjadi serpihan. Serpihan-serpihan yang tak kelihatan dek mata kasar tapi terkesan di lubuk hati. Hati yang tak mungkin akan terubat dengan hanya belaan nan satu itu. Itu yang membuatkan aku ingin pergi jauh. Jauh dari desa itu, agar aku tak perlu lagi kembali. Kembali hanya menyatakan aku bukan lagi seperti yang mereka pernah omongkan dahulu, aku bukan lagi seperti insan yang dulu mereka lukai. Lukai hati ini dengan segala tusukan, corekan, robekan yang sedikit pun tiada kasihan. Kasihan pada diri ini membuatkan aku ingin membawa hati ini buat membalut serpihan itu yang tak mungkin menjadi seperti yang sama. Sama sebelum aku terluka, sama sebelum aku dengar kata-kata penuh duri. Duri yang tak akan pernah tanggal di sekeping hati ini yang aku tahu akhirnya bakal menjadi dendam yang membakar sisa-sisa hati yang tertinggal. Tertinggal dalam siksa yang membuatkan aku membenci dan ingin melupakan mereka. Mereka yang kononnya tidak tahu, yang kononnya tidak mengerti salah sendiri. Sendiri itulah yang membuatkan aku memendam semuanya yang membawa aku ke pelabuhan kesedihan yang tak pernah surut dengan kesakitan dan kedukaan. Kedukaan yang tak pernah reda dengan sendu dari hati dan jiwa yang direndam dalam air mata jiwa nan rawan. Rawan jiwa yang tak pernah terubat hingga satu masa mereka hilang dan pergi terus dari hidup ini.

Weekend yang indah…

Kenapakah perkataan indah digunakan di dalam ayat di atas, sebab rasanya that is the word that suit my weekend the most. Sangat best, maybe sebab dah ada, skeluar dengan kawan-kawan yang dah dekat 4 bukan tak jumpa, and dapat beli banyak barang yang nak sangat dibeli. Salalh satu sebab juga sebab jumaat dah cuti. Panjang kaki berjalan sampai ke Puchong, shopping sampai ke OU, tak cukup dekat Wangsa Walk and Jusco Wangsa Maju. Ikut hati Sogo pun nak singgah tapi sebab dah dapat apa yang di cari so, Sogo tu nanti nanti la pula. 

Jumaat keluar pagi, sangat semangat. Masing-masing sangat excited. Keluar dengan list barang yang berjela-jela. Masuk Jusco beli dulu benda yang sangat penting. Singgah kat kedai kasut, pilih-pilih last tak beli juga. Keian dekat salesgirl. Sorry dik, kami tak berniat tak nak beli, tapi dah tak ada saiz, so terpaksa melupakan hasrat. Singgat Guardian and Watson, kalau namanya perempuan memang berjam-jam kat dalam tu. Berapa yang habis kat dalam tu memang tak percaya la kalau nak banding dengan barang yang di beli. Tapi perempuan kan banyak keperluannya. Pukul 11 pagi keluar, pukul 8 malam baru sampai balik bilik. It was nice to hang out with the girls. Miss them very much. 

Sabtu, pukul 9 dah keluar, jauh perjalanan. Dari Gombak ke Taman Bahagia, lebih kurang 22 stesen LRT. Tak kisah asalkan bahagia. It’s time for more shopping. At last, dapat la sepsang kasut yang di cari-cari, tapi ada juga benda yang tak ada dalam list, kirannya terbeli la tu. Balik, lepak-lepak, tertidur sampai ke petang. Spending time at Puchong boleh juga tengok tempat orang. Kepada penghuni rumah kat Puchong, thanks sebab layan saya baik-baik. Nanti kalau free saya datang lagi. 

Ahad, pagi-pagi keluar makan dekta pasar nasi lemak. Not bad, kenyang sampai ke petang. Ingat kena naik train lagi, but thanks to kakak, yang sanggup hantar sampai ke IIUM ni. Sampai ke bilik di hantar. Suka sangat. Dah balik, semua roommate ada kat bilik, boleh sembang-sembang, before tidur sekejap. Petang turun makan with my roommate. So far, roommate is good and I don’t have any problem with them except the dialect barrier. Tiba-tiba dekat magrib dapat sms suruh pergi open house program. Saya dah kenyang, but for my close friend tak kan la tak pergi. Luckily I went to the open house, makan sedap juga. Nice environment, santai and boleh jumpa kawan yang dah lama tak jumpa. Balik lebih kurang pukul 11. Sempat lagi roommate main UNO. 

That was it, my wonderful weekend with my dearest friends. Next week maybe keluar lagi dari UIA ni, nak pergi berjalan-jalan lagi walau pun rumah that friend tak la jauh sangat dari UIA ni, but at least boleh juga get to know the place around here. And dapat save la duit kot sebab ada open house lagi. Well kena manfaatkan apa yang kita ada. So, yes, with wonderful friends, even dull weekend can be exciting one. Appreciate your friends, love them, care for them.

Officially a final year student

Today, I was done with my schedule, including adding the phonology subject which was very hard for us to add and match it with the final year students. This semester with 12 credit hour, I hope that I can do as many thing a I want, like hanging around with my fellow friends, doing many activities for the co curriculum, joining all the society program and there are so many things that I want to do for this semester. But looking back at the course outline, I don’t think I can relax like I want. Of course as a final year student I want to maintain my result or at least try to improve it. All the assignment will be more difficult, complicated and challenging, so whether I like it or not I need to struggle and give 200% of my effort to do all the works. 

Phonology for English language teacher is my first year subject that I just taken this semester, teaching grammar in secondary school is a subject that I scared the most, method in teaching moral education is my last minor subject and teaching writing in secondary school is one of the killer subject for me due to the work and the lecture. Although all of the education lectures is nice but there is still when it comes to the work and assignment it make me feel nervous and anxious. Sometimes it is very hard to satisfy the lecture desire. But after four years being a TESL student there are ways to settle all of this program. The most important thing is that we need to always consult with the lecture. Ask him what he wants and how the works need to be done; you will absolutely get the flying color. There will always some hope for the semester, although I don’t have any expectation for this semester considering I cannot be listed down as one of the dean’s list students next semester, I just wish to do the best. May this final year will be bless by HIM.

Here I am a student again…

Already arrived at Duta around 4.45 in the morning, and that was the first time I saw so many people at Duta. Usually there were not so many people and do not need to wait for the taxi for so long until I can get on to my lovely garden of knowledge and virtue, but today I need to queue up and wait for the taxi. Around 6.30 am I had arrived at the garden of knowledge and virtue my IIUM. There’s no need to worry because I know there will be a lot of people waiting at the musola for the office to open up and check in for the room. I had my subuh prayer at the musola and had a short nap until 8 am. It was a routine for me to wait in front of the office so that when people started to make a line then I can join them and getting ready to check in. luckily, although there so many people waiting in front of the door, but I was entertain right after I entered the room. Why? Why? Why? Because I make their job easier by printing out the pre-registration form by mahalah office. So yes, it is better to always ready for the worst. 

The nightmare begins as soon as I entered the room. I need to take my bags, all my heavy, full loaded and big bags to the room. Although the storage was not that far, but working alone with the bags make you feel sick. I wish I have someone to deal with it. Oh, genie in the bottle I really hope you can help me (- -‘). After 3 or 4 times I went back and forth to the storage room, I’m done with my bags and I thought I need the whole week to clean the mess, tidy up my locker, and arrange all of the books. So, here I am sitting at the table with all the bags lying and messing around, but I don’t care. I am exhausted and thinking that sleeping will be better than tidying up all the mess made by me. I just took out my bed sheet, pillows, teddy bears and blanket and ready for some rest. Tomorrow will be my first day at the kuliyah building after having a very long holiday. Being a student is not that easy as some people things but it is easier than other things such as working. Don’t waste your time when you are studying, appreciate it well because one day you’ll be missing it.