Alhamdulillah!

Hanya kata syukur yang mampu aku terbitkan dari bibir ini saat aku melihat keputusan peperiksaan terakhir sebelum menghabiskan pengajian di bumi UIA tercinta ini. Walau tak mampu sudah aku gapai gelaran yang aku impikan itu kerana sebab-sebab tertentu, namun keputusan yang aku perolehi benar-benar di luar jangkaan. Syukur padaMu Ya Allah kerana memberikan kebahagiaan ini. Semoga dengan adanya keputusan ini dapatlah membantu dan mendorong aku melalui hari-hari praktikal dengan lebih yakin dan bermotivasi. Aku berharap dengan ini dapatlah di kurangkan rasa gundah dan gelisah di hati. Mampu aku tersenyum gembira kini, kejayaan ini pasti buat mama. Semoga berjaya juga aku harungi praktikal ini dengan jayanya dan akan terus aku berjaya di masa hadapan dan dapat merealisasikan impian ingin menjadi pendidik yang mampu mengubah nasib dan masa depan anak-anak didiknya. Amin...

Kembali ke daerah sunyi…

12 tengah hari esok akan bermulalah sebuah lagi perjalanan ke daerah sepi itu. Hati ini terasa hilang dalam khayal yang panjang saat cuba mencari arah yang harus aku tuju bagi menghilangkan segala rasa yang bersarang di hati. Hati ini pasti tertinggal di sini, namun perjuangan harus di teruskan, walau sunyi walau terasa sepi segala perjalanan harus di teruskan. Demi sebuah tanggunjawab dan harapan aku harus tabahkan diri menempuhi apa yang bakal berlaku di hadapan.

Bermula lagi perjalanan penuh kesepian ini, sendiri aku lalui tanpa peneman yang memahami. Walau ada mereka di sekeliling tetap juga aku menanggap aku sendiri kerana makna sebuah sendiri itu aku yang tafsirkan. Yang mereka tidak tahu apa itu sepi aku dan apa itu sendiri aku. Kerana sendiri dan sepi aku itu mungkin tidak sama dengan mereka, maka hanya berdiam dalam kesunyian itu. Terpaksa lagi aku berjalanan tanpa penggantungan kerana segalanya ternyata hanya aku sendiri.

My life revolves around you…

my everything

I have a strong belief that everything about my life is in her palm. She is the one who understood me the most, the irreplaceable person. Whether it is the sad one, the happy one, the disappointment, the sorrow or the loneliness all of this can be understood by mama. She is like a fairy god mother who can put a spell on you and without knowing it everything seems fine again. 

As the eldest one, I think that I’m very close with mama. She is the one with the superpower who can sense the bad feeling when something bad is going to happen to her children. Sometimes, I don’t even need to utter any single word but she can easily found out everything. When there is time I was down, I always call for her to spill out everything in my heart. The sadness and the sorrow in my heart will easily ease. When there is time I was happy, I’ll call out for her, to share the laugh and the story, with mama the fun seem to be double. I can’t even imagine my life without her by my side. 

The broken trust!

I don’t know if they thought of me as their best friend, but at the end I always feel that the trust were broken by this best friend. Not telling me the truth, not telling me something important and not even telling me something bad or good happen to them is not a deed that a best friend will do. It is frustrating, and what make me feel worst is that I’ll always know the things from the third parties. It is really heartbroken.   

When I’m taking some big decision, I’ll always have some thought about important person around who are related with the matter although it is for my own interests, which include my best friends.  But maybe I’m nothing like that. I’m not the one who is in the circle of their life

.

The feeling of sadness, the sorrow, and the disappointment mix together make me feel really bad and thinking back, if I am one of their best friends. It’s a big blow for me to know something important about them from someone else. Consequently, I wrecked up, with a thought that I’m not really needed in their life and only some extra actor in their life.  

Aku melihat bahagia...

Biarkan aku tersenyum walau untuk seketika,

Biarkan aku gembira walau untuk sesaat,

Walau hanya sekejap menatap matamu,

Walau hanya seketika melihat senyummu,

Kerana hanya kamu yang memberi cahaya,

Kerana hanya kamu yang memberi sinar,

Bersamamu aku melihat matahari, 

Bersamamu aku melihat bulan, 

Kerana hanya ketika itu aku,

Aku melihat bahagiaku.

P.A.N.A.S

tengok je gambar ni, terasa bahangnya

Tengok tajuk pun dah tau, memang sejak kebelakangan ni terasa sangat la panas. Terik panas, membakar, berkuap. Hari ini mengikut jabatan kaji cuaca, suhu dekat kawasan Gombak ni, mencecah 34 darjah Celsius. Tak pandai la nak cerita, tapi kalau boleh memang nak elakkan keluar waktu siang, walaupun dah petang tapi panas tu terasa sangat. Kalau malam, memang dah tak ada matahari tapi panas ni tetap juga terasa. Nak ulangkaji pun tak boleh nak fokus, kadang sampai sakit kepala sebab terlalu panas. 

Waktu siang, nak ulangkaji tak boleh nak fokus, nak tidur pun tak boleh, akhirnya duduk depan laptop buang masa, baca buku sikit, bermuka buku yang banyak, walau pun tak suka pun nak komen-komen status orang, atau mengemas kini status tapi suka mengintai mereka-mereka yang istimewa.

Jom kita kongsi sikit, apa yang kita boleh buat kalau cuaca terlalu panas sangat:

1.  Kita boleh mandi. Alhamdulillah, dekat Gombak ni, walaupun cuaca panas macam mana pun, air tetap juga sejuk. Dapat melegakan kepanasan yang di rasakan. Jadi kalau sesiapa yang rasa panas boleh banyakkan mandi, tapi kena ingat juga jangan membazir.  
2. Bila cuaca panas, kita akan cepat rasa letih, sebab kita kekurangan air. Jadi mari kita ramai-ramai banyakkan minum air kosong. Nak minum air lain pun boleh, tapi kalau minum air kosong baik untuk kesihatan, baik untuk buah pinggang dan juga awet muda. Jangan biar kita rasa kekeringan sebab cuaca panas, nanti kita juga cepat di serang penyakit, demam, batuk dan selsema. 
3. Kurangkan aktiviti di luar rumah. Maksudnya bukan jangan keluar rumah langsung tapi kurangkan, kalau boleh tengah hari waktu matahari tengah mengambang tak payah la keluar, ni kena tujukan dekat budak-budak, kita kalau dah besar memang tak ingin la nak berpanas kecuali ada sebab tertentu. 
4. Dan bila panas ada sesetengah orang sensitif dengan panas, boleh bawa payung, lindungi kulit supaya tak terbakar. Kalau yang rajin sikit pakai “sun block” banyak jual kat farmasi atau pasaraya. Kena jaga kesihatan, sebab panas yang terlampau boleh mengakibatkan kulit kita kena selaran matahari. Kan dah tak cantik. 
5. Air barli, cincau dan kembang semangkuk boleh menyejukkan badan. Boleh minum kalau terasa panas badan tak hilang. Tak maklum apa sebenarnya yang terkandung dalam bahan-bahan ni, cuma dapat tahu dari petua mak-mak. Selalu kalau demam atau batuk-batuk yang orang cakap panas dalam, minum air ni, untuk sejukkan badan. Ada orang suka minum air cap badak. Mungkin juga boleh membantu.

Rasanya ni adalah cara-cara yang memang kita selalu buat bila panas. Akhir kata jaga kesihatan, sekarang ni masih lagi musim periksa buat mereka-mereka dekat universiti sana, jadi kena la jaga diri elok-elok. Kalau demamkan nanti menganggu persediaan kita. Elakkan berada dalam panas, minum banyak air kosong dan jaga kesihatan.

Coupling and the cons

picture from Google

Lately, I realize that coupling has being a trend among the teenagers; it’s even started from the primary school. I don’t know if they realize what is actually coupling and the reason for coupling. Coupling comes from the word couple which is in this matter refers two peoples or things, two people who are seen together, especially if they are married or in a romantic or sexual relationship, while coupling from Oxford dictionary advanced leaner, is an action of joining or combining two things or an act of having sex (illicit coupling). 

Let’s not talk about coupling in term of religion and culture views, because in Islam coupling is prohibited because it may lead to certain bad things. But now in the Malay culture, coupling has been accepted by many people even though most of Malays are Muslim. I just want to talk about coupling and its cons in general. 

In my views, from my observation and experiences coupling leads to many of disadvantages, let us look at it one by one: 

1.  It’s a waste of time. It’s not that coupling may gives you a lot of happiness but sometimes it waste your time. It usually happen when you are madly in love, you are totally into that person and you will never realize of how long you had talk with the person on phone, sometimes you even forgot to do your homework, or any other duty. There also some people who willing to postpone their study group and make use of time for dating. It is not guilty to date as long as you observe some rules or border but to abandon all of your duty because of this is such a waste of time. Then finally when you broke up with him/her you will cry, keep thinking of him/her until you forget everything, it is also some sort of time wasting.
2. It is also a waste of money. Believe it or not, when you are dating with someone, you want to always call him/her, SMS him/her, it demand a lot of money for you prepaid. When it comes to your partner’s birthday, you need to prepare the present or maybe some surprise or held a part to her/him. For those who are not too demanding you can just be romantic by giving some cookies or cake made by yourself or handmade card but for those who always want something expensive or grad, what should you too, whether you like it or not you need to prepare it for the love one. So, this is the time where you will need to spend big amount of money just to make sure your lover will be happy. For the teenagers who do not have any money, and still depending on their parent, don’t you think it is worth it to spend it for your girlfriend or boyfriend? I don’t think so. 
3. The third reason was something that I had observed from my friends experiences. She has a boyfriend who really likes to be like her body guard. Wherever she wants to go, or with whom she wants to hang out, she needs to inform it to him. This is such an annoying thing to me. He is not even your husband. The freedom is no longer yours. I hate the fact that he can be more annoying than the parent. If it is the parents who are worrying about the children, I can really understand it but even the parents do not forbid the girls to hang out with her friends.

Once more, I would like to stress that, I’m talking about my general views not talking based on any religion or culture about the coupling. So, whether you want to have a date or not, it is all your choice, cause it’s your life.

Wani jealous ke?

Rasanya 2,3 hari lepas, dapat invitation from one of the friend for her engagement day. Malam tu sembang-sembang dengan roommate sambil makan-makan buah-buahan, yang macam-macam, dan mula la nak bergosip. Kalau dah perempuan, mesti tajuk-tajuk biasa la, artis, examination, makanan, and sampai la masuk satu tajuk, berkeluarga!

Tajuk yang agak sensitive bila masuk usia sekarang, bukan la sebab dah jadi anak dara tua or something like that cumanya sekarang ni dah masuk musim-musim kawan-kawan mula berdua, berkeluarga, berkahwin, bertunang, menukar status masing-masing, dari single kepada engage, dari Miss ke Mrs. Dari seorang kepada berdua, kesimpulannya berdua denganmu pasti lebih baik bak kata Acha. 

Dan terkeluar juga la dari mulut cik Wani, jealous la pula tengok kawan-kawan yang dah bertukar status ni. One of my roommate asked me back, “Wani jealous tu sebab memang Wani dah ada rancang ke nak kahwin umur-umur macam ni?”. That question make me think back. Betul la juga, kenapa mahu jealous, melainkan aku pun rancang nak kahwin umur sekarang. Sebenarnya, tak terasa sangat pun, sebab dalam kepala dah set kalau boleh umur berapa-berapa baru nak nikah. So, still ada beberapa tahun nak sampai usia tu. 

Cumanya bila tengok orang yang berdua ni, rasa sikit perasaan cemburu tu sebab macam best ada orang care, ada orang yang kita nak share feeling and macam-macam la. Tapi kalau fikir-fikir balik sungguh tak matang sebab fikir pasal tu saja. Kenapa tak fikir pasal tanggungjawab sebagai isteri, sebagai anak bila dah ada satu lagi family, bila ada anak nanti tanggungjawab sebagai ibu, tambah-tambah bila kita berkerjaya. Berat sangat kalau kita betul-betul fikirkan dari segala segi. Kalau dulu tak kisah nak makan apa, or nak makan pukul berapa, after nikah, kena fikir cik hubby nak makan apa, tak boleh nak ikut suka hati saja. Terasa berat sangat responsibility after akad nikah. 

Kesimpulannya, tak payah nak jealous sangat pun, sebab masing-masing ada pros and cons, especially aku yang masih lagi memegang jawatan pelajar sepenuh masa ijazah pertama. Lebih baik fikir nak study, macam mana nak dapat result yang gempak,  or maybe nak graduate dengan first class, lepas tu fikir macam mana nak stabilkan kewangan, lepas tu boleh la nak berseronok sikit-sikit, lepas tu baru la fikir pasal nak hidup berdua. Lagi pun tak nampak lagi bayang-bayang calon, jadinya just stay focus on the study and kalau dah kerja stay focus to my career. BE HAPPY!

Sincerity…

What is sincerity? Sincerity from Merriam Webster online dictionary is the quality or state of being sincere: honesty of mind: freedom from hypocrisy. So what is sincere? Sincere is the feeling or behavior when you are not pretended, genuine, for people they only saying things one really means or believes straightforward. In short sincere is pure, honest, feeling which is free from hypocrisy. 

Why am I talking about the sincerity? Actually last night I received a card from my roommate. It’s so cute but simple and for me it is full of sincerity. It’s a handmade card and written with her handwriting, with her own words for her roommate. It’s not that I never received any card, good luck card, but this one has the special meaning about it. Usually people give a card, they bought at the shop, and they write something on it and gave it to us. It is also show that they care about us, but for me a handmade card, is something that comes from your heart. So, I prefer to give something handmade for them I really care. 

the cute little handmade card

 simple wishes from heart...

Sometimes, I do make card or present for my friends, for those who received my handmade present or card; it is actually something made with my heart. Back then, I really think that given something that is expensive and beautiful is important, but now, I really have different thought about it. I don’t know if people have the same thought about that, but when I received it, it touch me, deep in my heart. Thus, receiving something expensive or beautiful does not mean that the person really care for you, sometimes they might had some other intended meaning with the present. 

For me, the sincerity is the important one. I had ever received an eraser, a small eraser from one of my students, but I really appreciate it as it is, because the gift came from their deepest thought of me. I was really touched at that moment. I don’t really care, if they give me present or not, but when they give me the gift and card made by them, I know and I realize that they really appreciated my existence at the school. In whatever situation, for me the sincerity comes first. Even with your jobs, your assignment or your intention. Let be a sincere person, it leads us to many good things.

Mencari pengakhiran...

Terasa sepi dalam bingit suara,

Terasa malap dalam terang cahaya,

Terasa luka dalam lembut sentuhan,

Terasa air mata dalam tawa panjang,

Masih lagi aku di sini.

Mereka singgah lalu pergi,

Meninggalkan tanda dan menjauh,

Menuju ke pelabuhan di daratan,

Memulakan sesuatu yang aku tak tahu.

Aku masih di lautan,

Mencari arah yang tak pasti,

Melawan gelora dihempas ombak.

Sakit di hati,

Sakit di jiwa,

Masih lagi aku di sini.

Mencari pelabuhanku sendiri,

Mencari muara kepunyaanku,

Mencari daratan untuk ku singgah,

Seperti mereka mengakhiri sebuah pencarian.

Welcome 2012!

Welcoming 2012 with happy hopes and thoughts. One of my friend, will start the year with the happy and sweet moment in her life. The engagement day, it must be the special day, so I'm thinking that there will be one more walimah need to be attend this year, as this year start with engagement of one of my friend. 

Maybe this year will bring sun shine in my life. I'm having high hopes that i can graduate with flying colours, go on with the convocation ceremony happily. That is, my mission of the year. I don't have the expectation for works, as soon as I graduate but to have happy days after the graduation is my priority. I'll try to find something to do, so that I'll not be getting any pressure or will easily get bored. 

In conclusion, my resolution for this year, to graduate my first degree, happily, and fulfilling my last semester with a lot of sweet, happy and useful memories.